Key ideas and recovery tools

For many years, experts believed that addiction stemmed only from using powerful drugs that co-opted the brain, the mind, and then the person. More recently, we’ve recognized that excessive behaviors such as gambling, shopping, and sex also can lead to addiction. The hallmarks of this common problem are the “3 C’s”: craving for the object of addiction, which can be mild to intense, loss of control over the use of the object of addiction, and continued engagement with the object of addiction despite adverse consequences.

It is well known that human beings may become addicted to just about anything, ranging from chemical substances such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, and other drugs to commodities such as clothes, shoes, and fancy cars, as well as to various behaviors such as gambling, jogging, working, and even criminal activities. The consequences of these “fatal involvements” are, however, different.

Years ago, I founded a family counseling center in an effort to help the friends and families of the alcoholic/addict learn how to help their loved ones by establishing their own boundaries and turning off the co-enabling, co-dependent switch. I believe in a total recovery program; not just for the alcoholic/addict, but for all involved or it turns out to be a lop-sided effort.

The cardinal lesson that I learned growing up with addiction is that all too often it's the person who says there is a problem who gets in trouble, not the person who is the problem. Saying that there is something that's wrong becomes the sin, not doing it. According to Sis Wenger, President/CEO of The National Association for Children of Alcoholics, (www.NACOA.org) addiction isn't something people want to acknowledge or talk about.

Is a guy who goes out several evenings after work with friends and often gets drunk sharing a meaningful social experience?  Or is he killing time, zoned out to avoid dealing with the depressing emptiness of his life? Is a college student who uses speed to cram for a test just using it to stay up later to get in more studying? Or is she self-medicating  ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), or trying to make up for a semester of missed schoolwork because of paralyzing anxiety and insecurity about her intelligence?

Groups only rarely foment great ideas because people in them are powerfully shaped by group norms: the unwritten rules which describe how individuals in a group 'are' and how they 'ought' to behave. Norms influence what people believe is right and wrong just as surely as real laws, but with none of the permanence or transparency of written regulations.

For me, the elephant in the room was a good visual for recognizing "denial." Maybe if I ignore it, the elephant will go away. Perhaps if I appease it by offering a few peanuts it will have the good sense to understand my needs and allow me to continue my work. Nobody else is saying anything about the elephant. Maybe they don't see it. In that case, I'll say nothing. Then again, it may not be there at all if I close my eyes. It could be a baby elephant. That wouldn't be so bad.

Wise Counsel Podcast - Dr. Van Nuys speaks with Psychologist Marc Kern, Ph.D. on the topic of addiction treatment with an emphasis on alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous and twelve step programs. Dr. Kern became interested in treating addictions as a result of his own experience dealing with addictions that he had developed while in college.

We have become a country of "quick fix" types. I encounter this a lot in clients. They want to get better now, soon, fast. They don't want to have to go through much feeling bad in order to feel good. They want the pain to stop. I often work with addicts who are used to reaching for a substance like drugs or alcohol or a behavior like sexual acting out to manage their moods.

It’s something like making a pact with the Devil. When we self-indulge, we obtain the object of our desire up front—whether it’s some glorious “high” (think cocaine, really good New York cheesecake, Ecstasy, or a reckless splurge at Tiffany’s); or we get a roller-coaster type thrill that enables us to experience an excitement not available to us otherwise (think X-sports)... But the “bill” for such self-indulgence— i.e., the associated “costs” of our intemperance—invariably arrives later.