Watch for This Trap

Here’s one that comes up sooner or later for anyone in recovery. It’s very subtle but also, because of that, quite powerful. It starts with an idea…

The situation is this. Someone has a good bit of time clean and sober under their belt. It might be a month, a year, or a decade – “good bit of time” is relative, after all. In any case, they’ve been away from the game long enough that the memories have faded a bit, but more importantly, they start to feel like they have some control back. And here is where the danger lies.

When you are active in your addiction, the loss of control is very obvious. After all, it’s the defining characteristic of addiction. But we start to forget this. With abstinence comes a natural feeling of pride and rightly so. All this is a setup for the trap to come.

The mind game is interesting. With the power to resist and stay clean, we start to wonder if maybe just a little taste is doable. By doable, I mean a little dip back into our drug or booze – just to see what it is like. Of course, we won’t go whole hog! Our imagination conjures up a situation where we can put a toe back into the water; maybe we’ll limit the amount on hand, or do it with a friend or some other invented “safe way.”

Why not? After all, we’ve managed to kick the stuff and stay off it all this time…

Avoiding the trap

For me, the only way to avoid this trap is to put a little more imagination into the mix. Sure, I still believe I can handle it; the trap is still there, beckoning. But the next thing is to think about why the idea appeals – what is it I like about revisiting this thing? And then there’s a chance to see the whole monster lying in wait. Of course the idea is attractive; of course there were reasons to drink or drug; that’s precisely why we lost years of our lives to it.

The final lie only then becomes obvious. “If I have so much control; if I’m really cured; then why am I thinking about this at all?”

Keep an eye out for this trap. It will present itself. Take heart though, once you spot it, it does get easier to avoid.