Getting to know your teenager’s friends may seem like a daunting task, especially if, like most parents, you feel like you’re still trying to get to know your own teen. Finding out who his friends are can help you to understand some of the motivation behind your child’s sometimes frustrating, sometimes mysterious teenage behavior. By taking the time to get to know who your teen spends time with, you can gain a better understanding of the outside forces that may be influencing his attitudes and actions.

Helping your child make smart social decisions while they are teens can help them grow into responsible adults. With a bit of thought and a lot of effort, you can start to understand what is going on in your teenager’s brain. Be more involved in your teen’s life and help him or her develop positive friendships with the following tips:

Know their friends. Make a concerted effort to get to know as many of your teenage child’s friends as you can. Knowing your teen’s friends will help you keep tabs on her life and may help keep your teen out of trouble. If her group of friends hangs out at your house, it is an easy way to introduce yourself and ask a question or two. If they don’t hang out there, find ways to meet them - offer rides to and from events, have them over for dinner, etc. You should also be aware of any changes to your child’s social circle, because any sudden switch of friends could mean trouble. And if something doesn’t seem right to you with any of her friends, act on it.

Figure out why you don’t like your teen’s friends. If you find that after to getting to know your teen’s friends that you don’t like them, then try to figure out why. Is it because you suspect they use drugs or alcohol, do you think they treat your teen badly, or is it a matter of a personality conflict? No matter what the reason is, remember this: if you suspect that a friend is a bad influence, don’t wait. Talk to your teen, make your concerns and expectations clear, keep a closer eye on him, and, if necessary, help him connect with a wider circle of kids.

Meet their friends’ parents. Along with meeting your teen’s friends, you should try to meet as many of their parents as you can. Meeting the parents can tell you a lot about their teen and help you keep close tabs on yours. You might even consider calling or getting together regularly to share information about how your teens behave, what they like to do, and any changes you’ve noticed lately.

Encourage your teen to hang out in safe environments. Encourage your teen and his or her friends to hang out at your house regularly. (Set aside a comfortable spot for them and keep plenty of snacks on hand.) This way you’ll become more connected to your teen and more aware of what she is up to. Knowing where your teen is will help you find her if there’s an emergency. Plus, knowing the environment that he or she is spending time in will tell you which influences (good and bad) your teen is around. If you’re not crazy about the places your teen hangs out, help her find one you do like. It could be your house, a friend’s house, a clubhouse or after-school program — any place with a trusted adult in charge.

Understand your teen’s choice in friends. Make an effort to understand why your teen chooses certain friends. You can learn a lot about what makes your teen tick by knowing what he finds attractive in a friend. Is it personality, social status, image, or involvement in certain activities? If you don’t know- ask. Let your teen know that you are not prying, but you just want to know more about him.

Support their healthy friendships. Spend time and energy supporting the healthy friendships that your teen develops. Supporting friendships means driving your teen and her friends to and from events, letting them hang out at your house, and encouraging them to spend time together. There are big benefits to it—you’ll show your teenager that you’re interested in who she is, and you’ll stay better in tune with her life.

Discourage unhealthy friendships. Do what you can to discourage unhealthy friendships. If you feel your teen’s relationships aren’t healthy or put your teen at risk for drug and alcohol use, help him branch out and spend time with different kids. Limit his time with those friends: don’t allow sleepovers, don’t offer rides, and set firm rules about having friends over when there’s no adult home. If you suspect that your teen’s friends are using drugs or alcohol, be sure he knows how you feel about using. (Your opinion really does matter, even if your teen doesn’t say so.) If you’d like to see your teen expand his circle, encourage your child to get involved in an activity that he feels passionate about. Chances are your teen will meet a new group of kids in the process. Spending time with active, healthy teens who aren’t using drugs can have an incredibly strong affect on your teenager’s behavior.

Knowing your teenager’s friends will help you keep tabs on what is going on in her life and may help your teen avoid the dangers of drugs. By keeping the lines of communication open and showing an interest in her daily life, you can help encourage your teen to make healthy decisions. Knowing that you are an active participant in her life, your teen will be more apt to listen to your advice, especially where drugs and alcohol are concerned.

About the Partnership for a Drug-Free America

The Partnership for a Drug-Free America is a nonprofit organization that unites parents, renowned scientists and communications professionals to help families raise healthy children. The Partnership motivates and equips parents to prevent their children from using drugs and alcohol, and to find help and treatment for family and friends in trouble. To learn more about drug abuse and its risks, please visit the Partnership at www.drugfree.org.