With so many substance abuse treatment options nationwide, the variation from one to the next can often present more questions than answers. From state, county and charity funded addiction treatment centers to exquisite beach-front enclaves, the options are virtually endless. With the ultimate goal being that of positive, long-lasting change in the recovering addict, a little insight can go a long way!

Most recovering addicts - or "ex-addicts" as some choose to term it - prefer to keep their personal struggles with addiction as quiet as possible when dealing with the general public. In the interest of drawing an important example, however, I will disclose one key element pertaining to my own previous struggles with substance abuse. Looking back from when I first reached the point in my addiction that required admission to rehab, to my very last treatment center not too terribly long ago, one consistency boldly stands out.  As the years and numerous trips to rehab went by, the level of posh & luxury progressively diminished. From private accommodations and 5-star cuisine to skid row shelters and army cots in a gymnasium-type setting, my affluent upbringing and formal education became nothing more than a distant memory.

Today, I have the fortune of not only living a life beyond my wildest dreams, but the experience of having had numerous opportunities to work in various formal and informal addiction treatment settings, all of which have played an integral role into who I am today. Over the years I have been approached by many friends and family members of addicts that often pose the same question which is, and I paraphrase; "what type of treatment program works best?" And before I go any further let's just get one thing very clear. The reasons as to why I did not remain sober following my initial trips to the nicer rehabs had absolutely nothing to do with the quality of care. My reasons for going in the first place were based upon nothing more than to get back in my family's good graces, or to get the girl back, or to get the job back, or anything else along those self-serving lines. I had no intention and no desire to apply myself whatsoever toward a life of sobriety and hence, the long, arduous & painful road of active addiction lay ahead.

There are many variations of treatment, most of which will integrate a variety of elements which are often referred to as the treatment "modality." Among the more common modalities out there are; 12 Step, Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Holistc, Faith-Based, Work Therapy and others. The growing trend in recent years has been to incorporate a multi-disciniplinary approach in which the facility will utilize certain elements of each treatment type in order to come up with their own modality and often market it as resulting in a higher level of success. The question then becomes, "what is their definition of success?"

Looking first at those treatment centers which are state, county and charity funded, they essentially offer what they offer and that's about it. If you like it then great and if you don't like it then leave, because there are likely 30 people standing in line behind you whom are desperate to get your bed. These are the types of programs that will usually provide an extremely "core-purpose" environment which, often begins with getting the addict off the streets and into a rigourous structure that involves group therapy, 12-step panels and meetings, work therapy in order to help the facility cover its costs, social-model structure that involves residents working with and overseeing eachother's day to day behaviors & actions, etc. These types of programs are also commonly offered by churches and religious non-profits which provide a religious "faith-based" format in conjunction with the other elements previously mentioned.  In most cases the majority of the residents living at publicly funded facilities are either indigent or just coming out of jails and prisons and are mandated to the facility as a condition of their parole.

There is no evidence suggesting that the above treatment facilities are less effective, however, than span of treatment options available are definitely narrower.  My personal experience with publicly funded treatment is that most of the clients have been struggling with addiction for many years and already have a good base of knowledge pertaining to recovery.  Also, it is much more common to see a bit of a rougher client mentality in such facilities as opposed to those focusing on private-pay clients due to their history of incarceration, gang life or living on the streets & shelters.  In most cases however, the staff is extremely diligent in their efforts to change these behaviors and not allow things like "prison talk" and gang-type clothing.

For those with health insurance and/or the means to pay out of pocket there is a world of options!  Among those are; luxury rehabs, holistic rehabs, non 12-step treatment, adolescent treatement, multi-disciplinary facilities, intensive outpatient settings, faith-based treatment, eating disorders centers, wilderness-type facilities,hospital-type facilities, medical & rapid detox locations, and others .  One of the primary differences is whether or not the facility operates by what is termed the "Disease Model" approach, that being, providing treatment based on the belief that addiction IS or IS NOT a "disease."  It is most commonly agreed that addiction - whatever type it may be - is in fact a disease which is progressive and potentially fatal if not treated.  Those that operate by this belief will nearly always incoporate the 12 step philosophy to varying levels (i.e., Alcoholics Anonymous). 

Over the past 20 years or so there has been a growing trend of treatment options that do not operate under the Disease Model and boldly stand by the belief that addiction is a curable malady.  These programs infuse a variety of components into their services such as; holistic treatments, vitamin & nutritional complexes, yoga, spirituality, physical exercise, specific therapeutic approaches,individual therapy, etc.  Each facility is different and will be able to offer substantially more information based on the specifics of their approach than I will.  Many higher-end Disease Model facilities will also utilize some of the above components in addition to 12 step education and meeting attendance.

In the case of luxury and higher end treatment centers, the key element to consider is what role does the luxury factor play into the core purpose of the program?  One key difference in higher end treatment is the ability to fully customize a client's treatment plan with much greater flexibility based on his/her individual needs.  There also tends to be a stronger focus on individualized therapy and the ability to cater to any other co-occurring issues such as grief & trauma, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, etc.  Most mid-range facilities will treat co-occurring disorders as well but will often times not have an actual psychiatrist on staff and contract out this type of service on a case by case basis.

The range of treatment options in the middle of the cost curve are extremely broad; more so than in any other segment!  Their modalities vary, and their ability to take insurance and provide financing options will vary as well.  Many treatment centers in this realm will not take a singular approach to treatment, that is, they may operate under a disease model and take their clients to AA metings in the evenings while also providing various holistic and uniqe therapeutic approaches during the day which are completely seperate from the 12 step regimen.  Most of these programs will have group therapy as well as individual sessions, however, the focus may vary depending on the foundation of their approach to recovery.  Some will also take a religious approach called "faith-based" treatment which is utilized within the program structure to varying degrees and is most often based on Christian philosophies.

There has also been a dramatic rise in adolescent treatment as in lieu of the growing numbers of addicted teens.  These types of programs operate under very stringent guidelines and are faced with regulations and protocols that extend beyond adult treatment environments.  Some of these are actually in a wilderness setting that offer a broad focus on navigating through life by means of literally forcing the client to navigate through rugged terrain on various levels.  The mentality behind this is that as addicts, we learn best through our own personal experiences, struggles and triumphs.  Adolescents facilities are also mandated to provide formal education to the client based on state laws.  For instance, if a 10th grader is forced into treatment due to addiction it does not necessarily mean that their schooling must be placed on hold.  While some are more elegant than others, the one common denominator is that there must be an emphasis on growing up and taking responsibility for our own actions.

Accross the board, regardless of what type of treatment setting we're talking about, there are several common denominators.  First, intermingling of clients on a romantic level is highly frowned upon and in many cases may result in expulsion from the program.  Second, honesty is foremost.  We're all human and we all make mistakes and bad decisions from time to time, but those with the ability to be honest and forthright have a much higher likelihood of remaining sober.  The chances of being removed from the program are much higher in cases when a client lies rather than in those in which he/she did something wrong but had the courage to remain honest, regardless of the anticipated consequence.  Third, respecting fellow patients and staff alike is required.  Addiction treatment is a bubble, a seperation from real life enabling addicts to re-learn and enact many elements that outwardly may not seem to have any direct correlation to sobriety, but they do.  The element of respect and decency plays an integral role in sobriety as well as life in general, and if the patient refuses to adhere to these principles and act accordingly then problems will always arise.

There is so much more to be said about the world of addiction treatment.  I highly recommend visiting the National Institute on Drug Abuse website at www.drugabuse.gov.  This is a government organization which offers a very objective and unbiased list of resources, articles, research studies, etc.  For any help in locating a reputable addiction treatment center or sober living home around the country you are invited to visit www.sobernexus.com.  Please feel free to contact me via the email link below if there are any questions or comments whatsoever.

What do you think of when you hear the words "sex addict"? Do you imagine someone who has sex dozens of times a day? Someone who owns a lot of sex toys? Someone who spends all their time immersed in pornography?

While all of these scenarios, and others, can identify someone with a sexual addiction, the crucial part of identifying an addict has to do with the consequences of the behavior and the person's inability to control them. That being said, sex addiction is a relatively recent idea. In fact, it's sometimes called love addiction instead.

So what is sex addiction?

A sexual addict experiences the same type of uncontrollable compulsions that others feel in different forms of addiction (like substance, alcohol, gambling, shopping, etc). In his book (Out of the Shadow: Understanding Sexual Addiction) Carnes talks about the compulsive sexual behavior as guiding a misperception of the self.

In simple words: Sex addicts' view of themselves depends on their relationship with sexual behavior. Since they often find themselves unable to control the behavior, they often have trouble with their self-image.

What is sex addiction NOT?

Let us look at some of the NOTS of sexual addiction. Sex addicts are not people who are just hypersexual and get satisfied with their sexual behaviors; rather, they are often not satisfied with the sexual activities that they engage in. Sex addicts are not necessarily Casanovas, but are often normal functioning people who find themselves having to hide their compulsive sexual urges.

While some sex addicts do pay for sex, others are compulsive about watching porn and others simply struggle with monogamy. The point is, the stigma of sex addicts as predatory child molesters needs to be put to rest.

How common is sex addiction?

Sex addiction is a major problem in our society. Some estimate that as many as 15 million people in the U.S. are sexual addicts (roughly 8% of all men and 3% of women). Easy access to porn offered by the internet has most likely increased the prevalence of sexual addiction in the past decade. In fact, for most people getting porn addiction help specifically is the problem.

The costs for those suffering from sex addiction are also numerous: Relationships and families are disrupted and destroyed, the addict's self-esteem diminishes as they are unable to be productive in other areas of their life; illegal activity (like prostitution) ends up causing arrests, and health is often affected through the contraction of diseases.

Am I a sex addict?

Now, don't immediately assume that you are a sex addict because you fantasize about sex a lot. But how does one know if they are addicted to sex?

The simple rule is: no impairment, no addiction.

On the other hand, if day to day functioning is affected by the behavior (in this case, something sexual), this may be an indication of a problem. So, whether it be having sex often, thinking of sex, or even just being extremely horny, if it's making a person's daily activities or relationships dysfunctional and if they are unable to control their behavior they may be defined as a sex addict.

In future posts we will look more into the symptoms, forms, theories, and treatments related to sex addiction. In the mean-time, keep reading, and if you feel brave enough, share your story; who knows, you may be able to help someone else who is love addicted!!!

Question of the day:
Do you have any personal experiences with sexual addiction (your own or of someone close to you)?
In what ways has it affected your own life?

What is an Intervention?

By Dean Sunseri, LPC

 

Intervention means to interfere in the affairs of another person in order to bring about a positive change.  The common use today in the mental health field is to interfere in life of a person who is in a self-destructive cycle.  Most of the time, the self destructive cycle has to do with habitual use of alcohol or drugs, yet it could also be self-destructive behaviors such as overeating, gambling and compulsive sexual behavior.  If a person is in a self-destructive cycle they will be intervened upon at some point by the legal system, financial institution, employer, spouse or the grave.  A planned intervention by loved one’s is a proactive step to stop the self destructive cycle, so that the individual does not need to lose his or her job, get a divorce, go broke or, most importantly, die.  Often times, family and friends are resistant to intervening, yet I remind them that it is much better for you to intervene than a prison sentence, bankruptsy court or the grave.  The self destructive cycle is not going away, so you may as well do the best you can to assist the person that you love. 

Speaking about love, love and care is the only thing that can break through the denial system of someone who is caught in a self-destructive cycle.  When I talk about love, I am not referring to passively allowing the addict to have their way, and step on you like a doormat.  True love is honest, direct communication from the heart.  It is being willing to speak the truth in kindness, even if one is risking the relationship.  An intervention is when concerned family and friends have a meeting with the addict and communicate their care and concern about the impact of the self-destructive behavior.  Often times, family and friends know there is a problem, yet they do not know what to do or how to approach it.  When a trained interventionist leads the group, each individual will be coached on how to communicate to the addict.  Lessons learned will not only serve you during the intervention, but also assist you in communicating in the future.

Many ask me, “When is the right time to intervene?”  There is not really a good time, because the process is emotional and challenging, yet the love ones need to remember that there will be an intervention.  It will be pro-active, or one that happens due to the destructive behaviors running its natural course.   The suffering addict does not need to hit bottom, the intervention creates a bottom, and, more often than not, the addict goes for help immediately after the intervention.

An intervention is the most loving thing a person can do for a suffering addict.  He or she may not appreciate it at the time, yet after they begin the recovery process, they will tell you, “Thanks for saving my life!”

 

Dean Sunseri, LPC is a trained interventionist and has helped countless families find help for a loved one suffering with self-destructive behaviors.  He is located in Baton Rouge LA.  http://www.ihaveavoice.com or ds@ihaveavoice.com .

I recently answered a letter for my weekly column for the Springfield Times from a guy who stated that he was embedded in the 12 step program, his wife of ten years participated in Alanon, they have been "through the worse of times and the best of times" and now she wanted to leave him. I would like to share my response to this letter and, perhaps, get input on how you would have answered it:

"Congratulations on your ongoing recovery efforts. As you have learned, living a clean and sober life has many rewards. AND, it also has downside called "real life". In real life people experience the good, the bad, the sadness, and the joy, without finding ways to escape what is really going on.

I recently read a touching book called "Life Interrupted: It's not all about me" by Chris M. Tatevosian. Even though Chris' life infliction was MS, I could certainly see a lot of my addiction clients in what he was describing as his life experience with a debilitating disease.

Chris' message was that his marriage fell apart because "my problem was that I acted like my problems (around MS) outweighed the importance of any problem or concern she had....I felt the world owed (me) everything."

The recovery process is an interesting journey. One of the characteristics of addictive behavior is self-centerdness. For the addict, the recovery process becomes all about them: need to go to my meeting, need to meet with my sponsor, need to support this event--it becomes all about "the program".

The "tight knit AA community" is just that--tight knit. Often times participants of the program form their friendhsips within the program Everything becomes the program. Some times this is fear based because participants feel if they don't have the constant support, or attend meetings regularly, they will relapse. Other times, usually because of long term use starting at an early age, the participant doesn't have the life skills to extent out of the program community.

With the total focus being recovery--yours and others--the importance of other problems within the family may be overlooked or minimized. I have heard of participants so focused on "the program" that they have skipped an important family event because they had "to attend my home group meeting."

There are no clear statistics available on how many marriages actually end up in divorce once a spouse achieves a level of recovery. However, talking with other addiction professionals, we agree that the number could be high.

Three plausible reasons we came up with for the divorces are:
-Too much focus on recovery, not enough on rebuilding the marriage;
-A realization that the marriage/relationship was built on one person's need to take care of someone else;
-The spouse continues to grow outside othe program.

Suggestions to save the marriage:
First, definitely seek marriage counseling. Both parties need to agree that you want the marriage to work, and that you are both willing to make compromises to make it work. Als, be sure the marriage counselor also has a certification, or education, in addiction treatment.

Secondly, it is interesting how, when the addict starts to become healthy, the spouse looses interest. This is what the program calls "co-dependency". Certainly Alanon is a helpful place to understand this emmeshed type of behavior. Again, consulting with a counselor would be helpful.

Finally, if your spouse has been consistent with healthy growth behaviors--job advancements, community involvement, building friendships outside the program--then you might have simply outgrown each other. Seeking marriage counseling may help you understand that you have just chosen a different path to continue walking. Neither of you is right or wrong; it just is.

Life is about balance. Life is about growing. Growing together, but never overshadowing the other. Is your recovery overshadowing your relationship? Are you making new friends, experiencing new things, expanding your world outside of "the program"? Be sure your life is in balance.

Be well on your journey.

MAx Fabry

This morning on Good Morning America, Diane Sawyer interviewed Dr. Mahmet Oz for his upcoming daytime TV series starting in September. I was ecstatic hearing him validate combining Western and Eastern methods of healing. He especially endorsed the concept of meditation to address many physical problems and to use as a prevention tool. My new Healthy Healing Addiction Outpatient Treatment Program offers very integrative services based on the client's individual need. We start with releases to primary care physicians, pain management specialists, and medication prescribers. As we begin to deal with core issues we may choose from any number of energy healers available to alternatively address the clients needs. I believe my approach to addiction is innovative and effective.

I am certainly open to feedback and suggestions from experts in the addiction field. Please learn more about the Healthy Healing Program.  Be well on your journey.

I have recently launched a comprehensive, multidimensional holistic counseling/coach approach to healing from addiction. This is a minimum year long commitment. The entire program is individual--no groups. The program addresses the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of healing. Goals are set to address health, family, career, and social issues of the client. The first three months (if needed) are focused on exercise, diet, and detoxing. This program was developed to meet the needs of people meeting the ASAM criteria for residential, but, for whatever reason, do not want to go into a residential program. NIDA's 12 Principles for effective addiction treatment, and, its three basic goals of treatment were considered. HEALTHY HEALING is non-traditional in that it does not have a 12-step component, does not create an articifical healing environment, and, it empowers the client with a HEALTHY HEALING TOOLBOX to maintain recovery. HEALTHY HEALING is not like other treatments presently being offered; I wanted to step treatment up into the 21st century.

I commend you for your efforts to put together a website featuring drug administration that is educational, unbiased, and informative. 

Thank you so much for inviting input.  There are a few things that I would like for you to consider that appear to be missing here.

First and foremost:  Drug use is not a crime, a disease, or a disorder.  Using drugs is normal human behavior in what I have dubbed, the Electro-Chemical Age the advent which I have placed at May 1, 1851, the day that Queen Victoria and Prince Albert opened the Great Exhibition (aka Crystal Palace) in Hyde Park, London, England which had a global impact on invention that sparked worldwide interest in electrical and chemical processes to build and drive mechanical devices we use today. 

Thus, we are nearing the end of drug prohibition worldwide since we’ve rediscovered that it doesn’t work, and, in fact causes a great deal of harm, a loss of control, and has absolutely no merits, whatsoever. 

Harm reduction has been a portal from prohibition that has had not gained acceptance from the U.S. during the Nixonian Era (1969-Present), a dangerous era driven by fear and ignorance. 

I founded the Drug Use Education (DUE) Process Initiative (www.DrugUseEducation.org) in December 2006 when I concluded that a growing number of responsible recreational drug users were more or just as successful and productive in their work as their counterparts who did not use drugs or engage in any form of recreation at all. 

The problem is that governments don’t know how to educate the public except by fear which does not work at all.  There is no concern for protecting the public; the government seeks only to protect itself. 

Have you ever seen a pack of cigarettes with dosage information on them?  While tobacco might be harmful, putting warnings of death and birth defects on a pack of cigarettes is a bit bizarre.  What do cigarette manufacturers think that people are using the cigarettes for… wall decorations?

The future will have to be more accepting of drugs and drug users.  American government needs to learn how to distinguish drug use from abuse. 

Although we practice harm reduction everyday in the U.S., our government does not want to make the commitment since there are those who are still convinced that one day drugs will be wiped out.  With the increasing speculation in futuristic substance detection devices, the greater part of the world could become free of substances. 

Or can it?  The answer is that it doesn’t matter.  What would be the purpose in the future or even today?  Is it right to embrace only those whose body chemistry allows them to enjoy alcohol, excluding others…?

Knowledge, Discipline, and Trust form the backbone of Drug Use Education.  It can be successful and realistically, it defines the future. 

Like Harm Reduction, Gradualism is another methodology that needs to be considered here. 

Just thought I would pass this along.

Richard Gicomeng -
DrugUseEducation.org
http://druguseeducation.org

Asked why they attend/attended AA despite the inherent problems in the program (being 13 stepped, being bullied, feeling controlled, being told they were powerless, having to surrender), the reasons given by my clients (and others who have spoken honestly), in order of importance were, here were their 5 social factors:

1. This is the only place their emotional needs (the need to belong, the need to be a part of something larger  than them, the need for a "family no matter how sick it was", fears of being alone and lonely) were met,

2. They don't believe or feel they are accepted anywhere else (rejected by greater society): bbeing in AA gave instant conditional "acceptance" and an "insta-family".  Many understood well that their behavior (not necessarily drinking behavior) and life-style was not appropriate and/or not acceptable in society but was seen as normal and within the limits of AA. My clinets came to understand that AA was essentially enabling them to behave irresponsibly and have lifestyles that would result in rejection from their community,

3. For those with several years of sobriety, it gave them instant power over meetings, groups, and others with less years, especially beginners. This power translated into having the strongest or a strong voice in the group. Many of those with years of sobriety had kept an early sobriety date even tho they had relapsed several times without the AA community knowing. In fact, in one AA lead I sat in on, the speaker had drank a considerable amount of alcohol on the way to the lead. This was discovered weeks later.

4. It offered a sense of safety- the group offered protection or a safety net from the world, especially from real world demands and expectations,

5. Opportunities for having fun via group parties and gatherings, also an easy place to pick someone up or get picked up.

In therapy, clients expressed that they were always acting to fulfill one of the above needs thru AA. <10% of my clients stated that the program elements (12 steps, having a sponsor, meetings) were important to their sobriety: the 5 social factors alone were the critical piece.

David O

This has got to be one of the most confusing topics there is. Especially when we, as addicts and alcoholics, run across it in the 12 steps. Barely getting passed the God deal we are confronted with an instruction that isn’t fully comprehensible. If we ask for advice or insight we will get a range of responses that will do little to diminish the vagueness we face. Why is it necessary to humbly ask a power greater than ourselves to remove our difficulties? Why, humbly?

It strikes me that in writing this line there was some predisposition to “who” that power would be. Who wrote it wrote it for a reason. Why humbly? Why not just ask? Wouldn’t that work? Asking humbly is like paying a toll. I’ll give you what you ask - you can cross the bridge - if you do something. If you give me what I want I’ll take care of you. At least that’s how it sounds to me. For sure it suggests that the power has a personality. It is going to react to how we pose the question.

On the other hand I read Bills response: When asked what the difference was between character defects and difficulties - He replied, “There really is no difference, I just didn’t want to use the same words so close together”. I understand, I wanted to use confusing twice in the first paragraph and decided to use vagueness instead. I wonder how many people really understand words like humble? For me it feels like servitude. In fact originally that’s pretty much where it came from. The humble servant. Knowing ones place. I included a lot of resources below. From what I can gather it’s not something I’d strive to be. But there I am faced with the conditional suggestion: Humbly ask.

I mentioned earlier that I chose a definition for humility from a quote by Gandhi. It said that humility was an accurate assessment of ones assets and liabilities. My faults my strengths - realistically. A good rule of thumb for an accurate assessment is to let others point out the assets - favorable aspects to our character. As far as the steps go we need only unearth those things that threaten our sanity and therefore our ability to recover. This being said, how does it figure into our quest for an all round unburdening? For me, the bottom line in all this is not so much - what exactly the word means. It may be of some concern to me - why it was posed this way. But again, it’s just a human being writing things out the way he thinks is best at the time. Fairly important is the question of where am I to direct my question? Who or what am I supposed to be asking, humbly or not? And why do I need to ask anything of anything?

The whole higher power idea says there is help afforded us. It says we probably won’t be able to do this by ourselves. If we can get passed the “I can do it, I don’t need help. place…” we have made steps in the right direction. The right direction being completely free of addictions. For me it is freedom from addictions and anything else that stands in the way of me being happy. That includes any ideas about “my happiness” that get in the way of “my happiness”. If I admit I’m powerless over whatever my addictions are. This just means, to me, that I’ll need some outside help. Outside help being something that’s not me. Does that mean that, like is often said around the meetings, that a god of my understanding can be anything I choose, as long as it’s not me? How does, not being me translate into a higher power? A power greater that myself? There are a lot of things that aren’t me, that I have absolute power over. Door knobs and light bulbs are obvious examples. So anything but me is misleading. I need power that I don’t possess. It might be that I possess the power I need but I don’t know how to wield it. I may not believe I have it, so even if I do, it’s of no use to me. Whatever the case - we’re after whatever works.

What works? Whatever relieves us from our addictions. By the time we get to the humility question we should be setting there with a list of liabilities we like to see gone. We’ve found stuff that is making us miserable and we want to be rid of it. So we are supposed to get help from a power greater than ourselves. The fact is, we’ve already been getting it. We’ve cooperated with life when we practiced the universal/spiritual principles necessary to get to this point. Life is, for now, a power greater than ourselves. Principles, for now, are a power greater than ourselves. We are being assisted right now. The only way, and I mean the only way, we can screw this up now - is to stop.

So what do we ask and how. We could certainly ask whatsoever has been helping us for more of the same. Don’t have a clear picture of what’s been helping? Good. Me neither. Doesn’t hinder us in any way. In fact I thinks it’s the best place to be. So much so that I have no intention of knowing any more than I do right now. If I find myself thinking I know more I’d consider it drifting of the path. Here’s how to ask what you don’t know for help with what you don’t understand. It goes like this, “Hey, everything that could ever possibly be available? Yeah, it’s me, I want you to direct me to whatever is best”. Thanks.

There, pretty easy huh? Doesn’t mean anything else will be. Just means that as far as asking - something - for something - we’re on the other side of it now. You can ask once in the morning. Or you you can just talk to it all day long. You can ask and then go to the bar to find sex and drugs. You can ask and then pay attention to everything that passes your way and attempt to make the most of it. The asking isn’t a cure. You could ask for a cab to pick you up and help you get from here to there. If you want a ride to someplace else - you only need to be where you are. The cab company knows where you are. Life, higher powers, everything that is - knows where you are. That means you are in the right place right now.