Carole Bennett

We have heard sayings like "don't get your expectations too high, or curb your expectations." Try as you might, you can't help but to dream, plot or plan out calculated moves in order for your expectations to come to fruition. You have a tough enough time trying to control your expectations in regards to your own personal life, but pinning those invisible and emotional expectations on the alcoholic/addict and their recovery is more often than not doomed for failure.

For those who don't know or have never heard of Al-anon, it is a 12-step recovery program that is the counter-part to the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step recovery program. It was initiated by Lois Wilson (the wife of Bill Wilson; one of the original founders of Alcoholics Anonymous) as a safe haven and support group for anyone who is dealing with a loved one's alcoholism (and/or drug addiction). I have been attending Al-anon meetings for 20 years and came away from my first meeting thinking..."What a bunch of losers, as well as... I heard some interesting things here."

During this time of year, I have had many clients look for guidance on how to establish and secure their boundaries with the alcoholic/addict whether it is a spouse, child or friend. They want to include them in the family festivities, but are anxious nonetheless; torn between the pull of family unity and the possibility of uncertain behavior. They have witnessed all too often the other occasions like birthdays, anniversaries or just plain Sunday night dinners when the alcoholic/addict arrived in their addiction, or became intoxicated and all hell broke lose due to... well, anything.

Years ago, I founded a family counseling center in an effort to help the friends and families of the alcoholic/addict learn how to help their loved ones by establishing their own boundaries and turning off the co-enabling, co-dependent switch. I believe in a total recovery program; not just for the alcoholic/addict, but for all involved or it turns out to be a lop-sided effort.

Boredom usually stems from one's own lack of motivation, endeavor or creativity. Everyone gets bored now and then, but it is the difference between changing that mood to healthy alternatives versus sitting around with friends "passing the pipe" for a few high flying hits. This kind of boredom can ultimately lead to an anti-social, destructive path toward addiction.

Since there is no special ability needed to participate in alcohol consumption or illegal substance and no one cares if you like yourself or not... why not go for it...what is left to lose? Here is an easy, effortless way to take your lack of self-esteem or own self worth and drink it away into blackout or smoke it, snort it, or shoot it into oblivion.

So... is relapse part of recovery? Yes and no depending on whom you are talking to. If one has relapsed, learned from their "slip" and embraced a stronger, more formidable recovery, then the answer is "yes". However, if one continues to relapse...