Effective help with alcohol abuse and dependence is hard to come by, despite large numbers of treatment programs. The problem is that a majority of these programs have grown from a single - and ineffective - male model whose business success has long overridden client needs despite dismal outcomes.  The result, for women, is that most options omit a number of the research based components...

Historically, women's unique considerations in their use of alcohol and needs in treatment have been ignored or neglected. Most treatment programs, even those supposedly addressing the 'special needs of women,' continue to use a 12-step model appropriate for only a small minority of men, and very few women.

Whether as drinkers or not, or as wives, mothers, sisters or friends, employers or employees, most of us have experienced alcohol’s destructive intrusion into our lives or the lives of those around us. Regardless of our involvement, most of us have felt confused and uncertain about how to help ourselves or anyone else.

It's disturbing when you become aware that your partner is abusing alcohol. Chances are the abuse and awareness both developed slowly and only when things got far out of control, did you notice. Most of us are good at not looking until we're forced to, it's called denial and mostly it's a healthy coping mechanism. However, with some conditions it's counterproductive. This is one of those conditions.

No single idea keeps people from seeking help with their alcohol related problems as much as the mistaken belief that alcohol abuse, dependence, and addiction are always the symptoms of an actual "disease" and that there is only one "cure."

Many people with alcohol problems aren't going to find services readily available. It can be a matter of distance, of a lack in confidentiality (who wants to be seen parking their vehicle outside the local rehab storefront?) a difference in philosophy, or any of a dozen other reasons. That leads to seeking help from afar and that precludes a year's ongoing physical involvement.

"I think my husband would do best coming to your accelerated outpatient program. But I want the SOB to suffer like I have! What's the most punitive, ninety day, residential program you know of?" Obviously there are a number of factors to consider when picking a treatment program, and some are emotional as well as practical.

Creating a more intimate relationship doesn't come with a road map. You can't pick an end, do a few programmed maneuvers, and arrive at the desired destination. The best you can manage is to head off in that general direction and hope that he follows along.

The most destructive belief most of us have held at one time or another is that alcohol and drug abuse is an incurable disease over which the addict or alcoholic has no control. Believing this, how can any parent deny support to a sick child? This is the lever that every active drunk and junkie - and many "recovering" ones as well - use to control everyone around them: "I isn't my fault and if you don't give me the money I'll die."

Alcohol rehabilitation treatment providers are nearly universally wedded to the outdated 12-Step model that only works for approximately ten percent of the men they were designed for, much less for women.