This section contain seven topics, each representing a different skill. They are: postponing, changing the ways you obsess, letting go of worries, using worry time, using a loop tape, using an extended tape recording of your feared consequences, and directly facing the situations you fear.
You know the first step already, before you do ANYTHING else. That is... you accept the obsession. When you have your obsession, the first thing you typically do is resist it and fight it. That reaction will usually intensify your obsession.
So since that doesn't work very well, try something new: accept that you just started worrying. Don't work on anything else until you commit yourself to this idea. Because every other self-help technique is applied after you say, (and believe), "It's OK that this just popped up in my mind."
Let me say that again. Don't work on anything else until you commit yourself to this idea. Because every other self-help technique is applied after you say, (and believe), "It's OK that this just popped up in my mind."
Now, you have two options once you notice that you just started obsessing and you accepted that it's OK. One is postponing the obsessions, the other is changing how you actually obsess.
Self-Help Practice 1: Postpone Your Worries
Let's start with how to work with the technique of postponing. If you respond to your obsessions by attempting to get rid of them instantly, to have them gone now and forever, you will probably fail at the task.
It's just too big a change to make. Instead, take a smaller, more manageable step. Let yourself have the obsessions. Make a commitment to pay attention to your worries. Simply take control of when you worry. The essence of this technique is to stall the obsessions. You decide not to ignore your worries. However, you are simply going to postpone attending to them for a bit.
Postpone Your Worries
Mentally agree to pay attention to your worries
Choose a specific time in the future when you will return to them
As that time arrives, either start obsessing or consider postponing the worries to another specific time.
Whenever possible, choose to postpone
This is like making a mental agreement with your fear. There's a part of you that really believes that you need to pay attention to these worried thoughts. You are not about to say "no" to them. Your fear is there because it thinks it's taking care of you. So you're going to say, "OK, I'll pay attention to you, just not now." You're going to keep the idea that you'll actually worry. You're going to change the idea that you have to instantly respond every time it beckons you.
So here are the specific steps to take. First, mentally agree to pay attention to the obsessions. But, second, choose a specific time in the future when you'll return to them. That time in the future is chosen based on your ability. For some of you, and for some obsessions, you can postpone for 1 1/2 hours or more. For others of you, waiting 30 seconds will be a significant challenge.
It really doesn't matter how long you pick to start with. It's relative to your capacity. As soon as you postpone even for 10 seconds, you're taking voluntary control over an involuntary process. So start wherever you can, and support yourself in the effort. Use a stopwatch if you need to.
Here is the third step. When that agreed upon time arrives, then either start obsessing, or consider postponing for an additional time. Whenever possible, keep postponing.
OK, got it?
Now, why use postponing? What are the benefits? The most important is that you let time pass between your impulse and your action. You don't instantly begin that viscous cycle that stems from fighting it.
The more time that passes, the more potential for control. You put a wedge between the impulse and acting on the impulse, so that you might get enough perspective to say, "Naah, I don't really need to worry about that."
At 8:15AM the worry may feel strong, but when you come back to it at 10AM, it just doesn't feel as compelling. The more time that passes between the initial obsession and your attention to it, the greater chance your anxiety will diminish. As it lowers, your need to obsess decreases, and you gain more mental control.
So consider starting your program with postponing. And let yourself move one step at a time. Don't say, "Oh, well, if I postpone, and then I worry, that's bad, I've done this wrong." Give yourself a chance to learn from postponing before you move on to other skills.
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see the complete article at Cyberpsych
for more help see the book Don't Panic - by R. Reid Wilson, PhD, et al.