Having ascertained in a preliminary interview that this man sincerely wanted to stop drinking once and for all, and would work seriously to that end, I asked him to set forth in writing his reasons for drinking.

Not being a student of abnormal psychology, he was not expected to unearth any hidden causes behind his reasons unless they came freely into his mind. His account of himself is interesting, however, as he was an intelligent person and, like the great majority of alcoholics, an honest thinker when sober.

He was cautioned to avoid the petty excuses that all drinkers are wont to make in order to give themselves some flimsy moral justification. His short thesis on "The Causes, Reasons, and Excuses for My Drinking," as he entitled it, is quoted in full: --

"When I think of what liquor does to me and how much it makes me suffer, I sometimes feel as if I didn't know why I drank, as if any reason sounded too foolish to bother with. Then again when I concentrate on the problem it seems as if there were reasons or impulses, some of which are obvious, and some of which are vague and hence hard to explain.

"In the first place my environment is a distinctly alcoholic one; even business seems to demand a certain amount of drinking, either to land a sale or to be congenial with the men in the office after hours. The country dub where my wife and I spend most of our spare time is of course wringing wet, and it seems as if I were forever expected to shake up a drink for someone else or that one was being shaken up for me.

"Of course I don't want to make a goat out of my environment. Only one of my intimate friends drinks as hard as I do and he is a rich bachelor, and many of them do not drink hard at all. When it comes right down to it I have reached such a state now that I would probably try to drink all I could get in any environment.

"When I start to sober up the next day I feel nervous and depressed, and I can't get it out of my head that one good drink won't set me up for the day the way it used to. So I take it and of course it doesn't, then I take another and the game starts A over again. I really don't want to stay drunk, whatever people may think; in fact I don't even feel that I am drinking in the same manner or for the same purpose that I do at the beginning of a party.

"After I have been sober, say, for a week, a part of me seems to be trying to fool the other part, and I begin to think that the next time things am going to be different. Though I really know in my heart that this is not so, still I am fool enough to think that it is. If by any chance I do make a success of it, which is very rare, I use it as an excuse for the next three months, forgetting the hundreds of other times where my schemes and resolutions for "drinking like a gentleman" have come to naught.

"When I do stay off it, I become envious of those who are drinking, and that makes me cross. I don't say much of anything to them, because I wouldn't get away with it, but every so often I take it out on my wife, which makes me ashamed of myself.

"I hate to admit that I can't handle liquor the way my friends do and the way I used to be able to, and at times I will think up the queerest systems of reasoning rather than admit that I am licked.

"Then my wife likes to go out or entertain at home, and I like it myself as long as I can drink. She doesn't ask why I can't drink moderately and always suggests that I have a cocktail or two and stop there, which of course I never can do because all one drink does is to make me want another.

"Furthermore there are the celebrations which have to be taken care of, such as football games, weddings, ushers' dinners, class reunions, and so forth. Sometimes it seems as if every Saturday and holiday came under this head.

"More and more lately I have been using it as a sort of refuge from worry and troubles in general. If the market goes down, or if I have to entertain someone who bores me, I take a few drinks to forget it. As a matter of fact I get bored more and more easily, whereas after a drink or two I enjoy everything and everybody.

"I have no real interest outside of business and drinking. I don't mean by that that I don't like my home, because I do and I would feel like hell if anything happened to my wife. Also I like golf, and fishing, and shooting, but when it comes right down to it I would rather sit around and drink with a congenial companion or two than anything I know.

"While I have never tried to get away from a wet environment, still I feel sure if I did stop drinking and went anywhere else I would find practically no one my own age who wasn't drinking something, generally enough to make him feel pretty good, even though he might not be actually drunk.

"It's hard when you are bored without it, and you see everyone else doing it, not to say to yourself that you will just take one and that won't do you any harm, even though you secretly know it is a lie. As far as the next day goes that is different, nobody is doing it then and I get no support or sympathy, but I can't help going on.

"Another reason that goes with my grouchiness, when I am sober and see others drinking, is that I feel sort of out of place, tongue-tied, too tired at times to compete with their alcoholic wit. I guess you would call it an inferiority complex, though perhaps I am not using those words correctly.

"That seems to be about all the reasons I can think of now, though perhaps some others will come into my head later."