Feelings, Thoughts, and Mind Traps was developed as ancillary material to the Straight Ahead: Transition Skills for Recovery treatment manual developed at TCU.

This session features a leader’s script, with notes, worksheets, and handouts for leading a discussion on the interplay of feelings, thoughts, and “mind traps” (i.e., cognitive distortions) that can threaten recovery.

Participants are invited to think about how they know the difference between what they are feeling and thinking, and   how feeling-based distortions can get in the way of productive communication.

Materials for a “mini-lecture” highlight common mind traps and introduce ideas for recognizing them and changing thinking patterns.

Step 1 Introduce the session topic.

For some people, the decisions that lead to relapse often are preceded by negative or troubling feelings. It can sometimes   “feel” as though feelings have a life of their own. We may believe it’s impossible to understand, predict, or control our   emotional responses to people or events.

However, feelings and emotions aren’t magical. They are part of being human and   we can learn how to “think” about our feelings in a way that makes it less likely that we will be ruled by what we feel.

Recovering people often are told by counselors, family members, and friends that they must learn to “deal” with their feelings in order to make progress.

“Dealing” with our feelings means (1) accepting that feelings are normal; (2) understanding that thoughts or ideas may influence certain feelings; and (3) talking about our feelings productively (without blaming ourselves or others for what we feel).

So, the key to “dealing” with feelings is to accept, understand, and talk about them. Most people will gladly express their opinions and thoughts on a subject. However, feelings and emotions are rarely   discussed openly and honestly.

We seem to have learned early in our lives that feelings and emotions should be suppressed and denied. As children, we may have heard messages such as “Don’t get mad at your brother;” “There’s no reason for you to get so upset;” “Don’t be a cry baby!;” “Calm down and quit being so excited;” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

We enter adulthood having learned certain feelings are not acceptable, we shouldn’t feel them, and if we do, we shouldn’t talk about them. The inability to recognize and identify our feelings, and to express them in appropriate ways causes problems.

First, our ability to communicate honestly and assertively with people we care about suffers. This results in relationship difficulties and deprives us of the support we need.

Second, when we don’t have an avenue for dealing with our feelings openly, we may attempt to “medicate” those feelings so they won’t trouble us.

Some people use drugs and alcohol, others may use food or   gambling, and so on. As you are aware, however, once the medication wears off, the feelings are still there. A vital part of   recovery is learning to recognize and communicate about feelings.

Step 2 Lead a discussion on the characteristics of feelings and emotional states.

Begin by asking participants to help brainstorm a definition for “feelings” and “emotions” and discuss the response. Use some of the following ideas to build the discussion:

The questions “what are feelings” or “what are emotions” are difficult to answer simply. Emotions are a component of   everything we experience as human beings. A specialized area of our brain is used for processing our own feelings and   analyzing the clues we pick up about other people’s feelings.

Everything that happens in our lives involves an emotional   response at some level.

Discuss awareness issues related to how we respond to emotions:

Physical Responses

* One way in which emotions are experienced is physical. When we experience certain feelings, we may also experience   bodily sensations such as sweaty palms and increased blood pressure.

Intense feelings actually cause changes in   adrenaline secretions and blood sugar levels. Some of these physical changes are linked to survival mechanisms. For example. the surge of adrenaline we may experience when we are frightened sharpens our reflexes and prepares our   muscles to run or to fight.

* Many emotions have similar physical characteristics. For example, we may experience a pounding heart and a red face   when we are angry. We may also have the same physical sensations when we are embarrassed.

Noticeable physical   sensations are a clue we can use. By learning to ask “What am I feeling right now?” when we are aware of a physical   response to a situation, we can better recognize and identify our feelings. Ask the group to discuss some of the physical sensations associated with the following feelings: anger, excitement, fear,   jealousy, embarrassment, relief.

Nonverbal Responses

* We communicate much of what we are feeling nonverbally. That is, we communicate what we are feeling through   gestures, facial expressions, tone and loudness of voice, eye contact, and the physical distance we place between ourselves   and others.

This is also referred to as “body language.” In some situations, we may be unaware of the feelings we   communicate nonverbally or the impact of our nonverbal communication on others. In some situations, we may purposefully   use nonverbal communication to send a message. For example, glaring and waving your fist at someone who just snatched a   parking space you were waiting for.

Ask participants to describe how the following feelings may be communicated nonverbally: happiness, anger, sadness,   nervousness, compassion.

Encourage specific examples from their observations of others (“How can you tell when your   husband is angry?” or “What clues do you get when you know your son is nervous?”). Alternatively, clip photos of people   from magazines and ask participants to comment on the feelings suggested by the subjects’ body language.

Matching Words and Feelings

* In order to communicate effectively, it’s important to be aware of how we communicate nonverbally. Keep in mind   nonverbal communication is often more powerful than words for communicating feelings, and may be interpreted and believed   more often than words.

* For example, suppose someone asks you if you are upset, and you say “No, I’m not,” in an angry tone of voice, with a   glare in your eyes, and your arms folded across your chest. The person who asked will very likely assume that you are   upset, even though your words deny it.

When there is confusion between the words and the feelings expressed nonverbally, most people will believe the nonverbal message. Ask participants to share personal experiences in which there was confusion between what someone said to them and the   feelings they understood from the nonverbal message.
Summarize

Feelings and emotions are an important part of being human. Feelings have a physical side, in that we can actually feel them   in our bodies. We also communicate feelings with our bodies, whether we are aware of doing so or not.

Nonverbal   communication is one of the most important ways in which we communicate. Awareness of these things is a first step in   learning to use our feelings constructively. Pay attention to what your body tells you, especially when it comes to uncomfortable feelings like anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety.

Developing body awareness gives you a tool to use for taking some deep breaths and calming down when needed.

Also pay attention to the things you do to communicate your   feelings without words. And develop awareness about how other people communicate their feelings to you.

Awareness is the first step. How we think about feelings is the next step.

Step 3 Introduce the topic of the link between thoughts and feelings:

It is important to realize the impact that certain thoughts and ideas may have on our feelings and emotional states. It is   especially important to learn to recognize ideas and thinking patterns that lead to negative or uncomfortable feelings.

These thinking patterns may occur regularly for some people, and the result is usually more troubling feelings. It’s a kind of “mind trap” we have learned to trap ourselves with. Over time, these patterns or ways of thinking, these mind traps, can wear us down and keep us emotionally upset.

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Excerpted from Unlock Your Thinking - Open Your Mind - A collection of materials for leading counseling sessions that address thinking patterns that can hamper behavior change.
http://www.ibr.tcu.edu/_private/manuals/BriefInterventions/BI(05Aug)-mind.pdf